I was in church one Sunday listening to the sermon entitled “Wonders of Heaven”. It was centered around the idea that there are 3 wonders to Heaven. One-You wonder if so and so is there, Two-You wonder how they got there, and Three-You wonder how you got there. This got me to thinking.

When I die, if I am fortunate enough to get to Heaven, how would I react if my molester made it too? Would I be angry? Would I be banished from Heaven for crossing God’s judgement? Would I be given an opportunity to see his side of it?

I got to thinking this would be an excellent topic to write about. Sort of inspired my blog. I thought it would be awesome if I had an opportunity to converse with God and learn about the other side of my abusers life. What if I only know the monstrous things that he has done? What if he had done a million amazing things for other people? Would this sway my decision, encourage me to forgive? I think it’s a great concept to think that everyone has the good side, but can I believe it enough to ever forgive him for what he did to me for years? DO I want to? Why should I want to?
I talked to one of my friends who posed the question “Why does this person have to be in my Heaven?” I never thought of that. It’s a great thought, but I have always been taught that no sin is worse than another and God forgives everyone. So why wouldn’t he make it to Heaven? I guess it would mean that he has to acknowledge that what he did was wrong and that he is truly sorry for it, both of which I don’t believe will happen.

I became more vocal about my past and it seemed to help me, but I could tell it wasn’t enough, I started thinking more and more about the past. I think I would really like to come to terms with how I feel about the past/present/future and how this has shaped me. I am ready to share my story with more people. IF blogging will get out to more people then I’ll start there. If it helps me analyze myself, then that’s one more person who doesn’t have to suffer anymore.

Give me your thoughts and feedback…
till next time….BE GOOD. BE TRUE. BE REAL.